If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
