I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
