you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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