I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
