yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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