I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
