my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
