Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
