Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
