Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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