You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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