and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
