guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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