Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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