Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
