Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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