Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
