This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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