just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
