good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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