is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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