Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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