there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
