3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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