just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
