Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
