watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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