I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize