it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
