the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
