So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
