If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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