That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
id be glad to
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
