what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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