By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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