i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
