I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
