Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
