we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
