So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
