Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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