btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
