so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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