This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
