I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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