Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
