he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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