Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
