So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
