mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
