I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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