During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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