hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
