Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
