Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
