It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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