and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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