OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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