update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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