Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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