Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
