I must be too annoying 4 u.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
