I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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