Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
