I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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