I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
